The Friend Project - The Bestest Friend

It is 2:00am Sunday, January 15th, and I am as helpless & vulnerable as I’ve ever been in my life.  I had a bilateral mastectomy on Monday, January 9th. I developed a hematoma that night, passed out in the bathroom at midnight, and lost a lot of blood.  After working all night to slow the bleeding, my doctor took me back in to surgery Tuesday morning, January 10th and found & repaired the bleed that had developed in the right breast area.

Now that I am home, I do not get out of bed to go to the bathroom without assistance, I do not walk the distance of my driveway to the mailbox without assistance, I do not dress without assistance…there is very little I can do for myself at this point. I am the opposite right now of the strong independent woman I am used to being, and being vulnerable weak & dependent is not a natural or easy state for me.

What does this have to do with The Friend Project?  It is my very bestest friend, my husband Jamie, who is caring for me in this state—the only person in this world with whom I can let go and not worry about my vulnerability.

If you’ve followed my blog at all or knew me when I was on FB, you’re pretty familiar with Jamie. I’m not shy about singing his praises, and he really is the better half of this duo. The constant moon to my sun, the yang to my yin, my balance.

His care of me during all this has been complete-physical, mental, emotional. Physical—things like helping bathe me and washing & drying my hair, preparing my plate, helping me in & out of bed, bleeding my drain bulbs and measuring & recording the output, fixing me from scratch an anti-cancer smoothie every morning. Mental—he’s accepted without complaint or critique my need to research & learn about every aspect of my cancer, treatment, surgery, recovery, and reconstruction. He let me gently include him in the education, even when it was hard to bear. He’s making the bed every morning and keeping the house my level of tidy because he knows these things bring comfort to my brain and allow it to relax. Emotional—he’s listened, let me cry, cried with me, let me laugh, laughed with me, held my hand & said nothing, let me process everything in my time and way. He tells me I’m beautiful and I’ll always be beautiful, and I know he means it.

In short and especially now, Jamie has devoted himself to my care.

I always knew he would be included in The Friend Project, and I did a natural light portrait of us for it in anticipation of this post. We’ve taken many selfies in this spot over the years, so it was the obvious choice for location. It was taken Friday, January 6th. I have to include though, some photos I’ve taken of my bestest friend this past week, caring for me.

Jamie inspires me every day to be a better person, to be the person he is, to not get mired in the past, and to live for tomorrow. He also shows me the beauty of a calm even peaceful moon and love that weathers storms and doesn’t fail.